Saturday, November 20, 2010

I'm thankful for... all that junk inside your trunk.

Over at Hymen HQ we're always thinking of how to educate you on the scary things that can happen to your body, right? While that's obviously very important, I do not by any means want to gloss over one very important thing: your body is amazing. Whether you believe it was shaped out of clay by a fellow in the sky, slowly evolved from monkeys, was vomited out of a flying spaghetti monster, or whether you think all of those forces combined to make you, one thing you can't deny: you body is part of a process that makes other bodies, and, dangers aside, that is really awesome. Here are three highlights of the reproductive system:

For starters, consider the clitoris. Ole C Bear is around 1/4 inch in size and becomes erect just like a penis (though it's a lot easier to be discreet about that in public places). Clits are vital in the female orgasm, and I hope none of you tries to make one of those happen without getting acquainted with this little buddy first. I assure you, it pays to have friends in low places. The sole function of the clitoris is pleasure. That's what it's there for, and absolutely nothing else, and I don't think there's any other organ that does only that. You heard me right, ladies, you have a magical little orgasm machine down yonder eager to serve, buried like a treasure chest. Use it wisely.

And then there's sperm-- to me, sperm is incredible in its volume. Every time you ejaculate, about 400 million little tadpoles are released. The chances of these little guys isn't good, navigating the veritable obstacle course that is the vagina on its grand egg hunt (this process is a bit like Easter) and then complete the final challenge (worming its way into the egg) for the grand prize! Little spermy takes a nine-month victory lap and we all know what happens after that.

Ovaries are another fascinating aspect of your anatomy. Each 1.5-inch basket carries up to one million eggs. Baby girls are born with as many eggs as they will ever have, they start to die once she hits puberty. Every month, one ovary releases one tiny little egg, which might be discovered by Mr. or Ms. Sperm, or might be released in the monthly miracle that is menstruation. (But that's a story for another day.)

So today, I am thankful for our guests, the clitoris, the ovaries, and the sperm cells. Check back in later for more gratitude.


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